p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
