and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
