My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
