weddingsv make me drug and hornr
honey bunches of taint.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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