i think my tv is drunk
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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