I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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