what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
