it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
