I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He better not be in your backpack
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
