Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
