I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
