Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i drank out of a bidet.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
