I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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