Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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