Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
