I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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