Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
