The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
