bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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