Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
