You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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