Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
