I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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