So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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