make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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