i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
