I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
