So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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