so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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