So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize