The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
