We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
