He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
