he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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