So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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