my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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