i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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