my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
