I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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