i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
