Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
