Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
