My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
