i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize