I can text with my tongue
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
