you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
