my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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