she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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