He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
