you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
