Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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