I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
