I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
not ubering you a puppy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
