Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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