2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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