I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
