what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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