Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
