he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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