my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
