Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
