Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize