You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
