I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
