I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
