Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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