Well douche your snatch and let's go!
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Randomize
